By Simon Brown

Auld Broon's story of two local men, John McGregor and Bertie Tait and their attempt to catch the
Loch Ness Monster.


It was 1933 in Ness,
Aul' Nessie first did show her face,
An' there's folks that claim that ever since,
Auld Nessie's humps they've got a glimpse.



Nessie says their bait is far too sma',
Fur I could ate it, an' them an' a',
An' this loch A'm sure belangs tae me,
An' I'll bide here 'till the day A dee.

2. Noo there lived twa men called Tait an' Mac,
An' they swore the monster they would tak,
Says Tait we'll quickly hae her nailed,
Far plenty other folk has failed.


10. Now that men fished fur days with nae success,
Fan Mac he says with a solemn face,
I doot auld Nessie's left the Ness,
She must hae seen auld Bertie's face.
3. Now Tait an' Mac wir wily men,
It wis little that they did'na ken,
But ae thing they did'ne ken at least,
Auld Nessie was a cunnin' beast.


11. But Nessie watched them going hame,
They looked to her like broken men,
They winna bother me again,
They'll get sma'r fish much nearer hame.
4. Now they set out, the day was fine,
They'd a great big rod an' as thick line,
Says mac there's little time will pass,
Afore we hae her on the grass.


12. An' fan they got back tae Inverness,
Says Tait we'll hae this folk tae face,
An a' them here that did us sponsor,
We'll look gey queer when we hiv nae monster.
5. They went up through Forres wi' great haste,
Fur that men they hid no time tae waste,
There wis naething either in their heid,
But to catch that monster wi' great speed.


13. An' fan they got hame tae Foggie toon,
Wi' gloomy faces an' lookin' doon,
They gied awa twa gey brave men,
But they winna try sic a trick again.
6. An' ar they got up to Inverness,
The news had spread richt through that place,
It was there they got an enormous sponsor,
Fur they were sure that men would catch the monster.


14. Now Eamon Andrew come tae ken,
Says he this must be twa great men,
This could hae been their life no less,
If they had'na left Nessie in the Ness.
7. An' fan they got up to the Loch Ness side,
Auld Nessie's een they opened wide,
She says it's time that I had gone,
Fur here's twa men fae Foggieloan.


15. But they say Mac's bocht a submarine,
We'll catch her yet or I'll be deen,
Tait says we'll hae anither try,
Though we've to pump the Loch Ness dry.
8. But she says they look twa stupid lumps,
An' I could'na care less than twa humps,
Fur a' their rods an' fishin' gear,
Fan they get hame I'll aye be here.
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Copyright Mrs E Henderson 2004
No part of this poem may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder or Simon Brown's  family.

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