By Simon Brown

A poem written by Auld Broon to mark the construction of a new public sewer in Aberchirder.

If you are at all upset by the language used in this ode, please understand that there is not a lot that rhymes with excrement. (Webmaster)


There wis a sewer in Foggieloan,
Laid in the days that's lang by gone,
But they said the pipes they wer'na fit,
Tae tak awa a' Foggie's shit.



Noo Charlie got drunk ae Friday nicht,
An' Hope forgot tae licht the licht,
An' Charlie fell doon an' broke his croon,
Among the sewage pipes o' Foggie toon.

2. So the District Cooncillors they were called,
When they saw the sewer, they were appalled,
So they quickly laid the money doon,
Tae get the shit frae Foggie toon.


9. Now Pirie and Walker was half demented,
Tae get the the joints a' richt cemented,
Fur the pipes hid got to be richt soon'
Tae get the shit fae Foggie toon.
3. Leslie Anderson he got the job,
His men they were a real tough mob,
They heaved and throwed those big pipes doon,
Tae get the shit frae Foggie toon.


10. Ye ken when Davie Trotters' there,
The steens are fleein' in the air,
He'd work the week richt through 'till Sunday,
But ye would'na see him back on Monday.


4. In Foggieloan there was some tension,
Would the pipes be up to the richt dimension?
An' Leslie half the nicht did sit,
To plan the flow of Foggie shit.


11. Now the Queen come and made a declaration,
She said it's the best sewer she's seen in a' the nation,
An' with her silver shears, the ribbon she slit,
To start the flow of Foggie shit.


5. Now they said the last sewer was ower sma,
So they hired a boy ca'd Jimmy Shaw,
Who cam' alang wi' a muckle digger,
An' he said he'd quickly mak it bigger.


12. Now the septic tanks is a' condemned,
So it's Paddy they did recommend,
Now yer shit it has no time tae linger,
It's doon tae the sewer, there is no hinder.


6. But he tore the streets tae sic a mess,
They were going to chase him from the place,
But he said that he'd dig deeper doon,
To get the shit fae Foggie toon.


13. Now they come tae Foggie fae miles aroon'
Fur they say it is the cleanest toon,
Ye've hardly got yer breeks well doon,
When yer shit's awa fae Foggie toon.
7. Hope Johnston was Leslie's richt han' man,
He got a box o' spunks an' a paraffin can,
He's lichts a' danger, lichts at nicht,
An' blaws them oot when it comes daylicht.
14. Now yer sewer it has been gotten in,
An' the streets they are so neat and trim,
But I'll warn ye a' get on yer skates,
Fur ye'll ken next year fan ye pay yer rates.

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Copyright Mrs E Henderson 2004
No part of this poem may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder or Simon Brown's  family.

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